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001

When you're going through depression every minor task can be very demanding. For me, this toothbrush has been very important. It is a reminder to keep taking care of myself. I think that taking good care of yourself by getting out of bed on time, brushing your teeth, showering and eating can be the first step towards feeling better.

002

It’s very hard to look after yourself when you struggle with depression. Small tasks like getting out of bed and personal hygiene can take energy. I would often sit in bed with the same dirty clothes for days.

003

In my youth I was oppressed by one of my parents. This dog tag gave me the confidence that I could get through all of this and the hope that, eventually, I could spread my own wings.

004

Depression is like feeling lonely in a room full of people. Like seeing the sun peeking through the curtain but never really feeling its warmth. Like wandering alone on an endless road covered in dust. Like stopping to search for the light at the end of the tunnel. Like embracing the darkness as your only friend. Like being as fragile as pieces of broken glass.

005

My depression got so bad I eventually ended up in the hospital. They checked my vitals and made an ECG. This ECG is a reminder that, even though things look like they will never be alright again, you can always recover.

006

Music gives me a way to escape. If I don’t experience the world around me, fewer stimuli come in and I can focus better on what I am doing. I can get carried away in the music and allows me to feel emotions such as anger, which I normally don’t allow myself to feel. When I am alone I can dance to the music or when I need some rest I put on my comfort song; Albatross from Fleetwood Mac.

007

A few years back I bought a polaroid camera to capture precious moments. At first it was just a hobby but now it has become a serious collection already. Most of the pictures hang on my bedroom wall. I can look at them for hours and forget about all of my problems.

008 †

One of my best friends decided to take his own life in May of 2020. He was an incredible music lover and we would talk about the Beatles all the time. We were supposed to go to a Paul McCartney concert which, unfortunately, got cancelled because of the corona pandemic. His parents gave me his T-shirt in memory of my dear friend. This way I can still take him everywhere with me.

009

This is a page of the diary I kept during a dark period in my life around the age of 15 or 16. I used to physically hurt myself and I felt very lonely. I was too afraid to admit it to people around me, let alone to myself.

010

I once got this card from the girl next door before moved. I was 8 years old back then. I carried this gift in my wallet and purse for a long time. One dark day when I was planning to hurt to myself, a stranger told me that life is worth living and that I should live in the moment. Coincidentally, this is also the day I found the card again. It has helped me to see and discover a ray of sunshine every day. Now I have a very positive outlook on life, partly thanks to this.

011

My mother was depressed which affected me greatly as a kid. I felt alone, insecure and unloved. I attempted to take my own life and ended up in the intensive care. Ten years of therapy followed, until someone gave me this book. It made me realize that my happiness depends on me alone and that my life matters. I learned to appreciate myself.

012

During my first few years struggling with depression I self-harmed almost every day, but I stopped eventually. Every time I look at my scars I am proud of myself for where I am today.

013 †

When you lose someone that has been really close for a long time, you can remember them by objects you have of them. It gave me comfort to keep something that has been a great memory for this person. It helps me to know that even though he was struggling with depression, he also had beautiful moments in his life.

014

For over 10 years I've been going through periods of depression. My friends once gave me a bunch of notes to look at if I would ever feel bad again. Every time I read them I’m reminded of good times with important people. It never fails to put a smile on my face.

015

Because of my depression, I often came into contact with alcohol and drugs, which I used to numb my feelings. I wore this necklace around my neck so I could flee from reality if things would get too much. This necklace brought up some unpleasant associations for a while, but now I can look back with a proud feeling and celebrate that those dark days are over.

016

Sometimes suicidal thoughts aren’t clear. It’s not that you want to die it’s just that you don’t want to keep on living, even though there are plenty of things to live for. It starts with “not waking up in the morning or being in a car accident and dying doesn’t sound too bad”, or “I will be missed by some but will I miss life?” If those thoughts frequent your brain you aren’t scared when they get worse. These pictures were taken at an absolute low point. To this day I still get small panic attacks at the certain locations because those could be the places where I would have been found dead. One week after taking these pictures I started therapy.

017

I was prescribed quetiapine as medication for my suicidal thoughts. When I lose control of my thoughts and end up in a negative spiral, I can take this medication to ease my mind. The medication has often helped me to see that I don’t want to end things, but instead I'm looking for a moment of relief in my constant state of depression. The medication offers me a moment of peace when I am in the middle of the storm in my head.

018

When I broke up with my partner I carried around a sketchbook to portray my emotions on to the paper. I felt like a different person and wanted to rediscover myself while still grieving over what I lost. Carrying the sketchbook on a daily basis and expressing my emotions has helped me a lot.

019

A few years back when I was still quite young, I was in an abusive relationship with a much older partner. We both struggled with alcohol abuse which he fueled. He gave me this necklace as a gift because he said he loved me so much, but he ruined a part of me nonetheless.

020

How crazy can it be

To fall in love and feel defeat,
To love and live in misery.
To force yourself's awaking.

To be a joyful person since
To care for your own being still,
To love so blind and kill yourself inside.

It’s time for heart to heal with love,
Given you and give it back.

021

The doctor prescribed oxazepam to help me in moments when I had suicidal thoughts again. Medication can be very helpful, but it also has a lot of drawbacks. It is always hard to find balance between therapy and the use of medication. Regardless of what you do, there is a long and troublesome way ahead.

022

And don’t you know that sunshine don’t feel right
When you inside all day
I wish it was nice out, but it looked like rain

- Mac Miller

023

After a rough night and a lot of going back and forth between denial and acceptance that I am addicted to substances to numb my feelings, I decided it was time to go to AA meetings. I got my 24-hour Sobriety Token and sat with a whole group of people who deal with the same issues. You must overcome your problems yourself, but you don't have to do it alone.

024

When I was at a very low point in my life I wanted to step out of this world. I was ready to go to a place where I didn’t have to feel anything anymore. Some people who noticed something was up came over and tried to help me. I got so much love and help that day, which I am very grateful for. Now, years later, I feel better than ever. This stone was taken from the place where it all happened. It is a reminder of that day and a symbol to keep on fighting.

025

These clothespins belonged to my godmother. Our kids played with this when we visited there. They would attach them to their head, their hair and their clothes and had the greatest fun together. Later, when problems arose in the family, she was one of the few who understood us. She respected us and she made us feel seen and heard. She helped us a lot with fighting through this dark time in our lives.